"KAMISAMA"
episodes 1-12
Posted by Risa on the Takeshi Kaneshiro Discussion Forum.
(minor grammatical revisions by micah sittig)
- Keigo (Takeshi Kaneshiro) is a famous and charismatic music producer. Arrogant, playboy, decadent, in spite of his big fame he is not interested at all in his own life and himself. His heart is vacant, after his lover Risa was dead three years ago. "Who pretends to live but not really live his life will be revenged someday. Until that day, I was totally onlooker of my own life. Maybe it's because why the destiny chose me."
- Masaki (Kyoko Fukada) is a high school girl living in Tokyo. Keigo is her charisma and his songs are her only consolation and power to live her aimless days. Her family - mother, father, and little brother - is a typical middle class family and apparently looks happy. But in fact, mother has a lover outside ( he really loves her), father is devoted only to his work, little brother is just studying so hard to enter a famous junior high school.
- "I was not happy nor unhappy. Until that day, all the true pleasure and pain of life was just passing me by."
One day, she lost the ticket of the Kaoru's concert ( she is a pop singer that Keigo produces ) that cost her so much. Having no way to get the money to buy it again, she decided to sell herself ( = prostitution ) for just one time and went to the motel with a stranger. Next day, after the concert, she happened to see Keigo in the car on the rainy street and chased him. When his car stopped for the red signal, she dashed up the overpass in front of him and showed him a big cloth that says "I LOVE KEIGO". Keigo gazed at her in the rain. He took this girl all wet through to his room. Masaki couldn't believe this incredible happening. He said : "What does it mean I LOVE KEIGO? You don't know nothing about me. Why can you say so??" She tried to explain how his songs encouraged her, but he was indifferent. She asked : "Why do you look so?" "How do I look?" "You look so sad!" He made love with her that night and it was just a "one-night stand" for him. But for Masaki, it meant a lot and she became so happy for this incredible memory. Three months after, Keigo happened to remember her and called her. Masaki was so excited for the unexpected calling. But soon after that, when she dropped in the hospital for a slight injury, she was sentenced by the doctor that she was HIV positive.
Masaki couldn't understand nor accept the reality. Confusing so much, at first, she doubted Keigo to have infected her, because he was a famous playboy and his private life was scandalous. She said to Keigo: "I was serious when I made love with you. I really wanted to understand you through my body and heart. So, please remember that I don't regret it at all, even if I die tomorrow?" Keigo, being unable to understand what she was saying, said indifferently: "What do you want to say? You mean you feel sorry to have sex with me? I don't care if you die tomorrow or not?" But, at last, it was revealed that neither Keigo nor Masaki's former boyfriend Isamu were HIV positive. It was that man with whom Masaki made love for the money just one time. Screwing up all her courage, Masaki confessed Keigo the truth and told him that she might have infected him also. Keigo was so shocked to hear that and could hardly keep standing.
Masaki still didn't tell her family about her disease and was suffering alone. And what was worse, the rumor about her disease spread all in the high school, and everyone - including her best friend - began to ignore her to make her alone. Keigo, being desperate, couldn't stir himself up no more to work and was only drinking and wandering about everyday. Masaki asked him to take an examine of HIV, but he cried out aloud: "Everybody has to die when his time has come!! Some are happy to be alive, some are not ! That's not your business if I die or not. Just leave me alone?" But Masaki said : "After I knew I'm infected, I understood well enough that I really want to live. I don't want to die ! Keigo, I think you're also same with me. You're so scared too, aren't you?" Pointed out the truth, Keigo decided by himself to take an examine. He called Masaki and said calmly : "It's true what you said. I'm so scared. I admit it." Masaki, being so consumed for the isolation in the school and her hard reality, said crying : "HIV is a kind of disease that makes us be alone more and more.. I wish you were also positive.. I want some company. "Having recognized something unusual in her voice, Keigo asked gently : "What's happened?" But, Masaki hung up. A few days later, the result of the analysis arrived by post, but Keigo doesn't have a courage to see it. After certain time of hesitation, he opened the letter and saw the result. He fell down on the floor. The result said that he was not HIV positive. Keigo didn't say to Masaki about the result, but she happened to see it in his room. "Why didn't you tell me about it? Because I said that I wish you were positive? It must NOT be true! Of course, I'm so happy to know that you're not positive! I feel relieved, Keigo. Now that I'm out of relation to you, I won't come here and meet you anymore. Don't worry about it." She was crying. Finding no words to tell her and being full of pity, Keigo was hugging her for some moment. "It's you who taught me that I'm still alive." He said from back to Masaki going out of the room. She smiled a little and went out.
After Masaki left, Keigo was still thinking about her. He was recalling also his lover Risa dying on the bed. After she died, he made up his mind not to get involved too deeply in any woman again, because he'd suffered so much from losing her. In the high school, the spiteful harassment against Masaki was more and more escalated. One day, Keigo came to near the school to know how she was doing, and happened to witness the harassment. After that, when Masaki was alone in the park, he appeared suddenly beside her and said gently : "Why don't you come with me to eat some chinese noodles?" Masaki said Keigo who was eating the noodles : "I don't need any pity at all. It seems strange to be kind like this just because I've got a unusual disease. I don't want to be a your burden." But Keigo said smiling: "You're a nice girl and also cool. You have a pride to face against the attacks. No matter if you're HIV positive or not, you are still who you are. Nothing changes, doesn't it?" She was so relieved to hear that. He gave his personal telephone number and said it's ok to call him whenever she wants. Masaki was so happy and said: "It's so good to know that I have someone to talk with when I'm depressed. I feel so relieved, thank you. Keigo, could you promise me that you always stand by me, on my side?" After a short silence, he said "yes." Keigo has not been making his new song for more than eight months, and the production was continuously demanding him to make new one. Keigo's arrogant and selfish attitude gradually began to ruin his own career. Kaoru ( actually, she's a little sister of his former lover Risa ) was really worrying about it. Encouraged by Keigo, Masaki decided to tell her mother about the disease. But when she came home, she heard her mother saying to farther that she wanted to live separately in the near future (because her mother loves another man ). Being so shocked, Masaki went to Keigo's apartment and found him in the car with Kaoru and she kissed him (It was Kaoru that kissed him and not that Keigo kissed Kaoru). Being aware of stupefied Masaki watching him, Keigo soon got out of the car and ran after her running away, but he lost sight of her. Masaki ran and ran, and stopped at the railroad crossing. Crying aloud in despair, she was recalling a lot of scenes - Keigo, Kaoru, mother, harassment by friends... there was no place she could hide and escape. She went over the crossing.
The former boyfriend Isamu found her on the railroad track and saved her from suicide. Her parents questioned her closely in the hospital why she attempted suicide. Masaki, after a moment of hesitation, said clearly that she was infected by HIV and shouted : "Get out of the room!" Her parents stunned. At last, Keigo was declared the cancellation of the contract from his recording company. Kaoru blamed him why he didn't make new song, but Keigo told back : "It's not that I don't make it, but I CAN'T make it! After Risa was dead, I've been somehow managing to cheer myself up by making songs, but now I'm so exhausted and vacant. "Keigo heard about Masaki from Isamu and came to the hospital, but she was sulky for the jealousy against Kaoru : "You meet me just because you have pity on me, don't you? Don't play such a game anymore! Everybody wouldn't care if I die or not." Keigo said: "It's just a self-pity what you are saying. Live your life as seriously and fully as you can, before you think of suicide?" Masaki shouted him back : "How about YOU, Keigo? You live your life so fully? You have a great talent for music that nobody else has. But I don't have nothing. I don't know for what purpose and for whom I should live, even if I could live 20 years more. You can live much longer than I and you have talent. There must be something more that you can do?" Keigo found no words to talk back. Masaki 's words have changed something inside of Keigo. In his room, he alone sat in front of his piano and began to struggle to make a song again. Strolling about the town, Masaki happened to listen Keigo's voice from the radio talking to her: "If now you think of yourself alone and that there's no one on your side, please remind that there is at least one here. "And he began to play a new song dedicated to her. Saved by his words and song, for the first time she told her mother the reason of infection with frankness, and mother forgave her and accepted the reality.
Keigo regained his desire for music. But it was hard to find a new recording company to make a contract with, because of his arrogant behavior in the past. After many rejection, finally, one company offered him to make a contract. But another problem was coming out. A gossip reporter was aware of his relation with Masaki and planning to come out a false scandal, such as "Paying money to a high school girl for sex, Keigo infected her HIV "Masaki, encouraged by Keigo and mother, decided to go to school again in spite of harassment. Her best friend, regretting so much to have ignored her, protected Masaki in the class and also other students began to accept her. Masaki was so relieved, but at the same time, she was feeling uncomfortable to keep it secret about her disease. At first, Keigo advised her not to tell it anyone. But, understanding Masaki's desire to live her life without any secret, he encouraged her who was worrying to hurt someone by her coming-out : "If they really love you, they won't feel pain even if they are hurt a little by your coming-out." In fact, he knew that her confession would be fatal for his career, giving some reality to the false scandal. But he didn't say nothing about it. Accompanied by Keigo, Masaki arrived at the school where the all students meeting was going on. She made up her mind and began to talk to all the students and teachers : "Maybe, I should keep it secret, if I think about my family and friends. But I can't live my life any longer, if I don't tell it now." And she confessed everything about her disease. "I was aware of how precious every moment of my life is, only after I knew my life is so limited. Being alive is not a matter of course. It's full of pain and still it's so wonderful." Her speech moved everyone so much. Keigo, having watched over to the end, made up his mind, too. He said to Masaki who was wondering if it was good to confess or not : "I'm sure that it was good to say that. I proud of you whatever someone will say about you."
At last, the scandal was reported in public soon after the Masaki's coming-out and Keigo was announced the cancellation of new contract from the recording company. Masaki, recognizing that her confession caused the scandal, tried to do everything she could imagine to help him, for example, telling about the true story to the gossip reporter and so on. But, on the contrary to her will, everything she did caused more serious trouble. As the result of that, Keigo lost all his jobs and chances in Japan, and only way remained for him was to go to America to make his career again from zero. Now that he decided to leave Japan, being afraid of going too far into her, Keigo tried to be cold on purpose against Masaki, saying "you troubled me too much! I really feel annoyed being loved by a girl like you?". The Keigo's last concert in Japan was suddenly cancelled by the sponsor. Totally depressed, he came to the vacant concert hall and found there Masaki. Masaki cried out to Keigo : "I can't help loving you, however troublesome it may be for you! I just can't help myself, even if we can't see anymore?" She was crying. Keigo shouted back aloud : "What do you want?! Don't you understand? I said that you trouble me!! Do you really understand how much trouble you made? I lost my job, everyone is backbiting me, at the end I have to leave this country! You say you love me, but so what? It doesn't make nothing! Love is just a heavy and troublesome feeling hard to manage. So, why are you always so? ,... Why do you make me feel like this?!" He hugged her close and they were kissing for long time.
The more Keigo loved Masaki, the more he was scared of loosing her, because he had already lost his lover once before and deadly suffered. Kaoru asked him : "Do you have enough courage to stay beside her until the last moment?" He couldn't answer it. One day, Kaoru told Masaki about Keigo's former lover Risa (Kaoru's older sister) and her death : "Do you know why Keigo is going with such a girl like you? Just because you suffer from a fatal disease. He just can't leave you alone, because my sister was died in front of him. "Masaki was so shocked to hear that. A good business offer has come to Keigo from America, and he had to leave soon. Before the departure, Keigo tried to explain how he was feeling about Masaki, but Masaki rejected him saying : "Our future is not imaginable, because soon or later I will die. You said that you don't want to see anyone die in front of you anymore, didn't you? And now you are going to America and won't come back for some years. Now, good bye and good luck." Keigo sadly left her house. On the way to the airport, he was recalling every moment of Masaki, and suddenly stopped the car. He went to the bridge where they had been often and found her hesitating to jump into the water. "Go ahead, Jump into the water." Keigo talked to her. "I'll receive you no matter how many time you throw yourself. If it's your destiny to die, die in my arms! Don't you believe me?" He jumped into the water first and looked up her from the water. Masaki made up her mind and she also jumped down. In the water they were hugging each other and Keigo said : "Why don't you come with me to America? I want you to be always beside me." They kissed.
Keigo asked Masaki to come with him to America, but Masaki's dad didn't agree with it because she was still too young. Keigo was making efforts to prepare everything to take care with Masaki in America, for example, arranging their apartment, searching for an excellent hospital specializing in AIDS and so on. But Masaki, after the incredible happiness she felt, began to worry that she might be only a trouble for Keigo also in America, because she couldn't do nothing but loving him and she hasn't still found her own purpose of life. "I wonder if I should go with you. I don't want to be a girl who can only depend on you. My life is short. There must be something I can do with my limited days. "Then, Keigo said : "I really want you to come with me. If you change your mind, come to the airport." Masaki had been out of touch with her dad for a long time, but finally she began to understand his affection for her, and also Masaki's dad at last realized what was the most important thing for Masaki. Finally he said : "You should go to America with him if you're really happy to do so. You can think of your purpose of life also in America, can't you?" Encouraged by his words, Masaki left for the airport. But at the airport, Kaoru found Masaki and told a lie : "The music production of America hates the Keigo's scandal about you. So, Keigo has already left alone, because he felt so sorry and had no courage to see you." Masaki, deadly despairing, left the airport and cried bitterly on the street. Keigo, not knowing anything what happened, had been waiting and waiting for her to come, but at last the departure time has come, and he left for America with full of sadness. At the end of the 9th episode, the story has suddenly jumped to the three years after! Masaki is now studying hard to become a interior designer and looking for a job....
Three years after, Keigo has come back to Japan for a short stay to held the "Back to Japan Tour" with a successful result in America. In Japan, Masaki finally got a job as a interior designer. Due to Kaoru's cruel lie, she was still believing that Keigo had abandoned her for his future and trying to forget him. On the other hand, Keigo was believing that Masaki had chosen to stay in Japan by her will, but still thinking about her. Now, three years later, Keigo happened to know the truth and it terribly hit him. When Keigo and Masaki came across each other near the concert hall, he told her the truth and apologized. But Masaki said: "Do you know how much I cried to forget you? It's too late now. Anyway you'll leave soon to America again, won't you? You've had a great success in America, and I've found a little dream of mine here. Now we can do nothing but regarding that what happened was good for us after all." Keigo couldn't find a words to say. Masaki was announced the cancellation of her post, because she confessed about her disease. Keigo sincerely tried to comfort her deadly depressed and asked her again ( after three years ) to come to America with him, saying : "I don't want to waste our time anymore. Is there anything more important than living together - watching the same thing, breathing the same air, touching each other? I know you have your own dream, but it can be realized also in America." Masaki agreed. That night, Keigo wanted her, "Are you serious? I didn't prepare anything. ( It means that she doesn't have a condom )."Keigo said, "It's all right." "It's NOT all right. I'm afraid that you'll be infected." But Keigo said "It's up to me to decide about myself. I decided to accept everything of you, whole of you. "They spent the night together. Keigo promised her in the morning light that he would come back soon to take her to America after he would have finished his concert tour in America. But next day, Masaki fell down by pneumonia and Keigo was sentenced by a doctor that Masaki was no more just a HIV positive but AIDS patient. Keigo froze. This time, the drama ended with his whispering monologue: "The clock of our life time is winded up by a God's hand. Why are we aware of it only after everything is too late? Now I can see a flame, a small flame twinkling in the dark. I beg you to save it. I beg you not to blow it out while I don't watch it. You can take my life instead. GOD, PLEASE! GIVE US A LITTLE MORE TIME... "The last phrase is, as you know, the title itself of the drama "KAMISAMA, MOUSUKOSHIDAKE "
* There were some opinion that it's unacceptable to broadcast on TV such a risky sex with a HIV patient without using a condom, because TV influences people so much. But personally, I think it's all right because TV is not a moral education machine. In the story, Keigo decided by himself to accept everything of Masaki including her disease, although he knows well enough about the risk of infection. Is there anything we could say against his resolution? I read in a book that also Takeshi himself said "I'm sure that Keigo would do it, even if the risk were 100%."
Masaki was taken pneumonia and entered the hospital. Keigo was always staying beside her, putting off his departure for America to prepare the concert tour. Kaoru asked him to leave soon : "Don't you have a pride as a professional, leaving your job undone for the private matter? I'm afraid that you'll loose your career again?" But Keigo refused : "I can't go leaving her alone. I'm afraid that she'll be taken away while I'm not here." Several weeks after, Masaki was getting better and besides, it was revealed that she got pregnant. The doctor told her how risky it is to bear the baby for her sick body and also for the baby himself (there is a certain possibility that he might be infected by HIV), but Masaki was so happy and insisted to bear the baby. She told Keigo about it, believing and hoping his approve. But Keigo didn't agree : "That's too risky for you. Your life is a hundred times more precious than the baby still unborn for me. I don't want you to reduce your life anymore." Not only Keigo but everybody (including Masaki's mama) persuaded her to give up her baby. Moreover, Kaoru explained to Masaki about Keigo's difficult situation ( he will be demanded to pay a great amount of compensation, if he doesn't leave soon for America ), and asked her to persuade him to go. Masaki, terribly suffering, finally decided abortion and asked Keigo to go to America: "Don't worry about me. I won't die. For next six month, I'll wait in good condition for you to come back. "The day of abortion, however, Keigo found a picture ( almost silhouette )of their baby and Masaki's memo inside her notebook. It says : "Hello, my baby. It was the second happiest thing in my life that I met you. Next to the fact that I met your dad." He rushed into the hospital : "I'm so sorry...! If you give up the baby now, first of all your heart will be broken. Let's get along together, I mean, three of us." When Keigo left for America, he gave her an engagement ring. But Masaki didn't receive it, saying : "I want to receive it when you'll come back six months later, as a reward of being alive in good condition." The six months have passed soon and Masaki was miraculously still well with her baby inside. But she suddenly fell down exactly the day of Keigo's arrival and was carried to the hospital.
* From America, Keigo sent to Masaki his funny video letter, and in that video letter he said : It was found out that I'm not infected by HIV."
Masaki - fell down on the street and carried in the hospital - fortunately recovered soon. But Keigo, recognizing how fragile her condition was, decided to hold a wedding immediately by themselves - two alone - in a church at midnight. But during the ceremony, Masaki felt the pain and labor started. Immediately carried in the hospital again, she begged Keigo to help the baby first, saying: "I would be so satisfied if I died for my baby." While she was suffering to bear the baby, the doctor asked Keigo and Masaki's parents, "In case of emergency, which do you take priority over to save? mother or baby?" Knowing well Masaki's wish, Keigo made a heartbreaking decision, apologizing to her parents, "please save the baby first "After the long time of suffering, the baby (girl) was born. But the both of them ( Masaki and baby ) ware still in a critical condition. Keigo, being full of regret, reproached himself madly to have admitted Masaki to bear the baby: "I was trying to kill her?" Masaki's mother comforted him and gave him a videocassette of Masaki's massage for her future baby. Listening to her touching massage, he was recalling every moment of their memories like a flashback, and cried bitterly. His prayer was accepted. Masaki and baby ( named Sachi ) was gradually recovered. But the doctor warned Masaki to pay full attention to her condition in a daily life, because her body was so much exhausted and consumed, much more than she recognized herself. And the doctor also said that they had to wait for about six month to examine if Sachi was also infected or not. One day, Keigo took Masaki and Sachi to the top of the hill where they came to see the night view long time before, and said that he bought a site here and would build a private school of music for the handicapped children. "I've changed much since I met you. I'd never recognized before that the music has the power to heal and encourage the people. ...I imagine that now you desire to live longer, more than before. - Maybe you wish "Give me a little more time until Sachi walks...a little more until she speaks..."But, now look. At this very moment, I'm here, Sachi is here, and you are here. Isn't it sufficient enough? Live this moment. "After several months they held a wedding ceremony again - this time, in a beautiful sunny day, cerebrated by many friends -. After the ceremony, everyone was out in a garden for the party and for an instant Sachi was left alone on the baby bed in the church, while a caretaker left a moment for a telephone calling. When Masaki happened to enter the church, Sachi was just about to fall from the baby bed. Masaki froze to see it and then dashed toward the baby with all her power to save from falling. Keigo, looking for Masaki to tell the good news from the doctor that Sachi was not HIV positive, came into the church and....found Masaki dead ( for heart attack? ) still dressed as a bride, and innocent Sachi smiling besides her. Masaki's face seemed contented and calm. Keigo, dressed as a groom, was holding Masaki in his arms for a long time without crying.
The drama ends with some heart-warming scene of Keigo and Sachi a few years after.