FUCK COMMIE LIBERALS - I AM AMERICAN (Score:5, Funny by Anonymous Coward on )
Wednesday September 11, @06:18AM (#4236383                                   )

I like big cars, big guns, big motorcycles, and big tits. I believe the
money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental
functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts
squeezing out babies.

I don't care about appearing compassionate. I think playing with guns doesn't
make you a killer. I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason. I
think I'm better than the homeless. I don't think being a minority makes you
noble or victimized. I don't care if you call me a racist, a homophobe or a
misogynist. I am not tolerant of others just because they are different.

I know that no matter how big Jennifer Lopez's ass gets, I'll still want to
see it. I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. I believe that if you are selling me a Big
Mac, you do it in English. I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a
shield for unpopular opinions or actions.

I want to know when MTV became such crap. I think getting a hummer is sex, and
every man is entitled to at least one extremely sloppy one per month.

I know what the definition of lying is. I think Oprah's eyes are way too far
apart. I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet.

I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.

I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osborne, Ice-T or
Marilyn Manson sang. I think that being a student doesn't give you any more
enlightenment than working at Blockbuster.

I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free
on the package. I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or
gods, and they can do it in their schools. I think the Clippers should play in
the WNBA.

My heroes are John Wayne, Ronald Reagan, Norman Schwartzkopf, Colin Powell
and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. I think creative violence and
useless nudity and sex makes Iraqis deader and movies more interesting.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake, but
I still think The Rock could kick my butt. I think global warming is junk
science. I've never owned or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the
desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been
persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-fuck-up already.

Rocky and Bullwinkle still makes me laugh. I think you can respect and admire
women while mentally undressing them. I believe a self-righteous liberal with
a cause is more dangerous than a Play Station.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Rev. Jesse Jackson
preaches. I think explosions are cool. I don't care where Ellen DeGeneres
puts her tongue. I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if
you're running from them. I thought Spinal Tap was great, but Rob Reiner can
still kiss my ass.

I worry about dying before I get even.

I like the convenience of buying oranges while I'm waiting at a stoplight, and
I'm pretty sure the Latina midget selling them to me is glad she no longer
lives in a refrigerator packing carton outside Ensenada.

I figured out Bruce Willis was dead midway through The Sixth Sense but enjoyed
it anyway. I think turkey bacon sucks. I want somebody to explain to me
exactly why it's wrong to point out that when I watch a freeway chase, I know
the losers the police eventually pull out of the car are gonna be gang-banging
homies or hispanics.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes a parent.
I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please don't
pretend they are a political statement and not a fad. I like hard women, hard
liquor and a hard bowel movement first thing in the morning.

I believe you don't have to speak with a lisp to pick out a couch for your
living room.

I'll admit that the only movies that ever made me cry was Sands of Iwo Jima
and Ole Yeller. I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid. I
will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings.
Making love is fine, but sometimes I just wanna get laid.

I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the
mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

YES, I'm a BAD American.... >:-)